Since last CT

The last CT we had of mom showed nothing new. She is still losing weight and waiting….. that is all I can explain about it. Clinically her health is good, she just has a tumor in her abdomen that is sitting there. They THINK it is connected to her colon but can’t be sure without doing an operation. She doesn’t want a biopsy or surgery so she sits.

If you have ever had to go through this with your parents you know what I mean. You love them and you want to take care of them. Yet this was first diagnosed in Nov. 2015. It has been 5 months of really not knowing much.

I have to shop for her, I take her out to eat when she wants to go. She wants me to come over and sit and visit everyday. (If she had her way I would live there.) Please don’t get me wrong, I do love my mom but some days I could punch a hole in the wall.

Her mind is going some; she has a lot of confusion; repeating herself; not remembering things she said yesterday. Then she gets argumentative and yells at me because I can’t figure out what she is pointing to or trying to remember. She thinks people are stealing things out of her house or moving things around. She is the only one there.

Today was a tough day; really tough. I had to just leave. She was telling me today that I think she is dumb. I told her I didn’t think she was dumb. I ask when did I say you are dumb or made you feel that way? She couldn’t remember but she said she would let me know the next time.

I know I am not alone in this. In 2010 in Feb. I sat with my sister as she died; then in September I sat with my dad as he died. I have been through death. I have even lost a child and grandparents and uncles. Yet I have never been though this.

Thanks for listening to me get this out of my system. I am not perfect but with God’s help I am trying to take care of her.

 

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Jim White
    Apr 27, 2016 @ 10:43:29

    Sandy, I sat here at my desk trying to come up with something helpful or inspiring to no avail. My wife and I have been down this rugged road. It helped having a spouse that was taking care of mom and dad every day. She and I were able to sound off to each other when we would have difficult days with them. With our faith we were able to lean on Jesus to help get by each day. There were days when we would even get angry with God for my parents health problems along with the change of personality they each went through. Luckily we have a understanding God who loves us and is full of grace. Even now years later I miss them so much I would welcome having them back when they moved into those grumpy, angry moods. I hope you and your husband can converse about the problems with your mom, just having someone to talk with that is understanding and sympathetic helps ton’s. Pray many times a day for strength, courage, wisdom, and understanding. Just remember when mom is angry she is not her old self and don’t
    take the attack personal. My prayers are with you. Jim

    Reply

    • sjkeathley
      Apr 27, 2016 @ 17:27:05

      Thank you Jim; I am a Christian so I do have God and Jesus with me so I do rely on Him a lot. I do sound off to my husband but unfortunately he gets upset that I have to go through this. He does help me by mowing her lawn and doing what I can’t. I am the only child left and the only one to do it. Hospice comes once a week so that helps but I have to be there then also. I just have to learn to sit back and let it roll off. It seems each day is a new day to her now and there is nothing I can do right. Thank you for your kind words.

      Reply

  2. Charlene
    Apr 22, 2016 @ 10:37:33

    Sandy, you, your mom and family are in my thoughts and prayers. Will be checking in her.

    Reply

  3. Connie Barnes Taylor
    Apr 21, 2016 @ 17:10:22

    Hugs and Prayers for you both

    Reply

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